A Conversation

A conversation with a student who moved from East Turkestan to the United States when she was 12 years old. She recounts the experience of assimilating to American culture as well as living by herself.

Well, for me, [my situation is because] of a political situation. I’m from East Turkestan, which, right now, is a colony of China, and there was political stuff happening, such as concentration camps. Since I was born [in the U.S.], I was able to leave … and [now] I’m here, [because] I [would] always be in a risk [if I did not leave].

My parents really didn’t want me to come [to the U.S.] because [they were] like, ‘You’re 12, it’s really dangerous,’ but … I was sort of stubborn. I think this is best for my future. And since I came [to the U.S.], I’m really glad I was stubborn.

In [my] first [living] position, I lived with my aunt for about a year or half a year-ish. And then it was kind of troubling living with her family, and I felt like I was just serving their life since, [at] that time, I didn’t speak English. 

I really didn’t have a good middle school experience, partly because I just came [to the U.S.] and also because … middle school sucks. I was bullied a lot because I had a really huge accent. I had someone [that] would go to different classes with me and come to help. But, that lady, she didn’t speak any of my languages, so it didn’t help much; instead it kind of felt like I was being taken care of. Everyone thought, ‘Oh, that girl, she’s in special education,’ and thought I had other disabilities. So it was really tough.

I would try to … get sick and escape school a lot so I didn’t have to go and get made fun of.

When [COVID-19] happened, I was in eighth grade, and I was like, ‘Oh yeah, this is my chance to actually catch up and be normal.’ So I learned [English]. I think that was the hardest I’ve ever studied in my life — I spent half a year using all [the] different methods to learn English and also the culture stuff and what Americans usually learn from K-12. And I tried to change it into my own language, but it didn’t work because there were a lot of the culture and social stuff that [did not] make sense.

I tried to seek help, but it seemed like no one had ever shared the same exact situation as me. It seemed like I had nowhere where I could seek help from. It was kind of like I was on my own the whole time.

After, I tried and I took the ELPAC to see if I was able to switch out of ELD and go to regular English, and thankfully, I was in [during] middle school … not counting the [COVID-19] times. She said I got [out of] ELD in just three school months, excluding summer. She said that was like breaking records, and I was like, ‘Oh, my gosh.’

After that it was high school, and it was then I realized I didn’t want to live with other families and force this obligation on other people because I feel bad easily.

First, what I did was I tried to find host families.

I had two different host families, and the first one really didn’t work well because they’re racist. So yeah, it was awful. And the second time, they were also racist, I think, I forgot what happened. Because [at] that time I was still Muslim … and they were super, super Islamophobic … they [would] purposefully put pork in my meal. Then I would have to be like, ‘Hey, I want to move out because you guys are feeding me this stuff.’

Then it was basically me breaking the contract, so I [would] be the one that [would] have to pay them the fines.

That same time, that was after [COVID-19] and kind of my first time actually being in like real school with all the other people. I actually had a pretty good experience. Even though I didn’t speak English that well, I was in … Honors English. It was kind of odd. I would never really talk much in that class, but all my writing assignments, I would get A’s and stuff. So it was a little odd.

I found a couple of friends, and they were mostly international students, so I can really bond over that. Even though we didn’t share the same language, we would all … have super heavy-speaking English. But yeah, I found my community from that.

My sophomore year was when I really got proficient in English. I became more extroverted and actually show my personality because it was really hard to convey that through level two English.

I try my best to take challenging courses and whenever I did that, I would hear a lot of voices telling me to not do that because they assume I’m incapable because I came from ELD, but sometimes I perform even better than native speakers.

Mostly, people at [TPHS] are really nice and no one judges me over it … it’s a good environment. 

After the host family situation, I was like, ‘I want to find somewhere else where I can live.’ It was then [when] I really decided to move to a bigger stage; I finished my second semester of sophomore year at my brother’s, but junior year here, this year, I decided to live alone. I live in an apartment with roommates I found online and then I take care of myself with my own meals. I pay rent and do all this on my own.

It was really hard the first month because junior year is really stressful. But with that academic stress, I also had personal obligations … I had to figure out how to basically pre-adult.

I learned to cook. I learned to do all the chores and actually take care of the place myself, [instead of relying] on other people and being a child.

Time management was a big part, even though it was tiring physically, what really, really stressed me out was the psychological aspect of it.

I would come home and [I] would basically be [by] myself again. At school is where I talk most. At home I’m just quiet and I don’t do anything. So I always play music or some show in the background, so at least I am not silent. A lot of people, a lot of my friends, when they found out [about my living situation, their first reaction [was] like, ‘Oh my God, that’s so cool, you must have so much freedom, you can do whatever you want.’ Yes, but I also have to be responsible and make smart choices because since I’m living here myself and I don’t have anyone watching over me … I’m [going to] be the one that’s dealing with all the consequences.

People like to assume that because I have all the freedom, I will do anything I want to, like go party all the time … but no, because I don’t want my parents that are so far away to stress for me. And also … all my future is basically on me … I’m gonna be the only one that’s keeping myself in check. 

I don’t really like to talk about this that much to other people … because all I get, more often than not, [is] just pity. [People are] like, ‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I feel so bad for you,’ and [offer help] … like, that’s really nice, but even though my living situation is like that, that doesn’t mean I’m living really poorly. Yeah, it’s stressful. Yeah, it’s tiring, but I don’t want that to be the biggest thing people associate me with. I also have hobbies, extracurriculars at school — I try to take hard classes, I have friends from different areas, and at school, I’m basically like everyone else; people’s attitude to me tend to change when they find out about [my living situation]. I feel like that’s something people could be more aware of. I believe my experience right now, at least, will make college easier.